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Paranoia and Pessism vs. Preparation

28 Apr

This post from last week was particularly prescient, and given the past week, particularly helpful. Maybe I’m learning, after all…

I’M NOT PARANOID, just prepared. Trying to remember to think ahead, using experiences to be and get prepared. Predictability, borne out of those experiences, is a great tool and motivation for better preparation. I used to tell my mom, “hope for the best, but assume and prepare for the worst.”  That’s not pessimism – that’s preparedness.

22 years ago a very smart VP at Sony Music once had some great advice, regarding preparation, telling us, “forewarned is forearmed.”

Think about it. 

No sense wishing I always heeded this advice but no better time than the present.

Anything Is Possible If You’re Willing to Put In the Work

27 Apr

THIS: “Nothing in life is free, especially your time. Everything has a cost. And when it comes to your time, the cost is heavy. You can never get even one second back.You can live your life on purpose. You can spend your time on things you value. You can be who you intended to become. You can continue to progress and evolve, even after you’ve become successful and fulfilled. But the price must be paid. You can’t fake it. It’s available if you want it. But you must choose it.”

Source: Anything Is Possible If You’re Willing to Put In the Work

Staying In Shape – Physically AND Mentally

18 Apr

I TURN 50-YEARS OLD IN SEPTEMBER and next to the anxiety of spending that day alone, I’ve always been anxious about not staying in shape. So I work out like crazy, and its not braggadocio: I am in the best shape of my life and for the last year I have not had a single bad workout. Kicked off last year by the demise of a long relationship, the ensuing depression killed my appetite for several weeks, which jump-started my metabolism, and the anger and sadness over getting destroyed fueled my motivation in the gym. Couple that with having more spare time, realizing then that working out is the only guaranteed thing that will change my mood, every time – endorphin and serotonin are very powerful – and I really do enjoy it, I’ve never felt better. Plus, I’ve changed my diet, cut out really cut down my sugar intake (sugar is EVERYWHERE!) and the sum total is I dropped over 20 lbs., have kept it off, look better, and feel great.

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If You Knew Something Would Improve Your Life, Why Wouldn’t You?

11 Apr

One of the smartest articles I’ve read in awhile. Something I’m going to make a point to read every day. Perfect timing, too.

Going Solo, Redux

9 Apr


Oh, for the number of times I’ve been told that. There’s some truth to that statement; it’s still something I need to be better at, and there’s several reasons why I don’t like being alone. Another post for another time might explore why that is — lord knows I’ve explored it for years!

Ultimately, however, at this stage in my life, I don’t want to be by myself, I want to be in a relationship. But currently, the way things have evolved in a certain situation, that’s not to be. Which I have to be o.k. with. At the moment, though initially I thought I would be o.k. with it, I’m not, because it was such a great situation with a truly great person. Someone who I’ve come to miss an awful lot. All of which makes being alone more of a struggle. It’s a good time for radical acceptance, to be sure.

It’s important to note that not wanting to be alone is not why I want to be with someone.

I often wonder why people who care about me think that I need to “learn how to be alone.” For me, it’s not such a binary choice – as if it’s simply a choice I don’t want to make — to not be in a relationship, vs. being in one, because I don’t like being alone.

The word “alone” can infer that one is lonely. I don’t always feel lonely when I’m by myself, despite the fact that being alone can often trigger sadness/depression and anxiety. Sadness because being alone often means I’ll ruminate on the past and people in the past, and why I’m alone, all mixed with a nice helping of guilt and beating the crap out of myself about it all. Anxiety because I’ll start thinking of the future and if that will be like the present — by myself. Who says time travel doesn’t exist? For me, it often does, going back to the past and fast-forwarding to the future.

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7 Feb

That moment when what everyone has been telling you for years about someone and/or a situation and and you finally understand and see it?

Shifting gears…


“What Doesn’t Kill You…

26 Jan

YOU’VE HEARD THE SAYING “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” so often and it is true, though it is a cliche.  What nobody says is all that you sometimes have to go thru to get that strength.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…and often angry, sad, deceived, fooled, embarrassed, bitter, confused, ashamed, impulsive, lame, disgusted…but finally, hopefully, smarter, and, yes, stronger. Getting thru all those feelings – variations of the seven stages of grief, really – doesn’t always get easier, no matter how many times you go through really hard shit. You’d think as you get older that the opposite would be true – shouldn’t I have learned something? Why and how did I make the same mistake?  Wasn’t my mantra “I won’t get fooled again?” Sometimes, there’s no answer to that, sometimes you can just ignore, deny the answer to that question and rationalize it away.  You can blame someone for what happened, or you convince yourself that it’s all your fault. That said, the latter is an easy way to fall into the trap of beating the shit out of yourself, too. For me, it’s hard to not do that, no matter how wronged I may have been.  Sometimes blaming someone is just fuel for the anger that you think will make you stronger but for me that burns out and doesn’t last long.

Ultimately though, if the goal to get smarter and avoid the stupid, the wrong and the mistakes can’t be reached, maybe the goal should be to just get stronger, faster. To deal with the bad shit better, to not always go thru all those emotions prior to getting stronger. Just try your best to accept it – to radically accept what happened and move on. The balancing act is to learn and get stronger, but not fall back into rumination & regret, fueled by sadness and anger.  So easy in theory, harder in practice, but so tantalizing, too: just accept what happened learn and don’t look back.


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