“YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE ALONE.”
Oh, for the number of times I’ve been told that. There’s some truth to that statement; it’s still something I need to be better at, and there’s several reasons why I don’t like being alone. Another post for another time might explore why that is — lord knows I’ve explored it for years!
Ultimately, however, at this stage in my life, I don’t want to be by myself, I want to be in a relationship. But currently, the way things have evolved in a certain situation, that’s not to be. Which I have to be o.k. with. At the moment, though initially I thought I would be o.k. with it, I’m not, because it was such a great situation with a truly great person. Someone who I’ve come to miss an awful lot. All of which makes being alone more of a struggle. It’s a good time for radical acceptance, to be sure.
It’s important to note that not wanting to be alone is not why I want to be with someone.
I often wonder why people who care about me think that I need to “learn how to be alone.” For me, it’s not such a binary choice – as if it’s simply a choice I don’t want to make — to not be in a relationship, vs. being in one, because I don’t like being alone.
The word “alone” can infer that one is lonely. I don’t always feel lonely when I’m by myself, despite the fact that being alone can often trigger sadness/depression and anxiety. Sadness because being alone often means I’ll ruminate on the past and people in the past, and why I’m alone, all mixed with a nice helping of guilt and beating the crap out of myself about it all. Anxiety because I’ll start thinking of the future and if that will be like the present — by myself. Who says time travel doesn’t exist? For me, it often does, going back to the past and fast-forwarding to the future.
Continue reading →
Like this:
Like Loading...
Tags: relationships, Self-improvement
