This post from last week was particularly prescient, and given the past week, particularly helpful. Maybe I’m learning, after all…
I’M NOT PARANOID, just prepared. Trying to remember to think ahead, using experiences to be and get prepared. Predictability, borne out of those experiences, is a great tool and motivation for better preparation. I used to tell my mom, “hope for the best, but assume and prepare for the worst.” That’s not pessimism – that’s preparedness.
22 years ago a very smart VP at Sony Music once had some great advice, regarding preparation, telling us, “forewarned is forearmed.”
Think about it.
No sense wishing I always heeded this advice but no better time than the present.
THIS: “Nothing in life is free, especially your time. Everything has a cost. And when it comes to your time, the cost is heavy. You can never get even one second back.You can live your life on purpose. You can spend your time on things you value. You can be who you intended to become. You can continue to progress and evolve, even after you’ve become successful and fulfilled. But the price must be paid. You can’t fake it. It’s available if you want it. But you must choose it.”
Source: Anything Is Possible If You’re Willing to Put In the Work
“YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE ALONE.”
Oh, for the number of times I’ve been told that. There’s some truth to that statement; it’s still something I need to be better at, and there’s several reasons why I don’t like being alone. Another post for another time might explore why that is — lord knows I’ve explored it for years!
Ultimately, however, at this stage in my life, I don’t want to be by myself, I want to be in a relationship. But currently, the way things have evolved in a certain situation, that’s not to be. Which I have to be o.k. with. At the moment, though initially I thought I would be o.k. with it, I’m not, because it was such a great situation with a truly great person. Someone who I’ve come to miss an awful lot. All of which makes being alone more of a struggle. It’s a good time for radical acceptance, to be sure.
It’s important to note that not wanting to be alone is not why I want to be with someone.
I often wonder why people who care about me think that I need to “learn how to be alone.” For me, it’s not such a binary choice – as if it’s simply a choice I don’t want to make — to not be in a relationship, vs. being in one, because I don’t like being alone.
The word “alone” can infer that one is lonely. I don’t always feel lonely when I’m by myself, despite the fact that being alone can often trigger sadness/depression and anxiety. Sadness because being alone often means I’ll ruminate on the past and people in the past, and why I’m alone, all mixed with a nice helping of guilt and beating the crap out of myself about it all. Anxiety because I’ll start thinking of the future and if that will be like the present — by myself. Who says time travel doesn’t exist? For me, it often does, going back to the past and fast-forwarding to the future.
(an epic coming of age story)
BACK IN DECEMBER I GOT UP ON STAGE AND TOLD THIS STORY at The Moth, one I’ve told any times through the years, and since the crowd at The Moth was 200+ people, I figured I might as well post it here, too. It is epic, it got a lot of laughs, and lord knows I’ve spilled much private stuff at this blog anyway! Seriously, though, it was a definitive and formative experience.
IT’S SUMMER, 1984 AND I’M A FEW MONTHS SHY OF TURNING 17, and working in a supermarket. At that point, just before the start of my senior year of high school, I previously only had one girlfriend. So when a short, round cashier at the supermarket I worked at took a liking to me, I was just happy any female was interested at all. Then she told me she was 22 years old. Whoa. An “older” woman!
That moment when what everyone has been telling you for years about someone and/or a situation and and you finally understand and see it?
IF SOMEONE isn’t prone to apologize, should your forgiveness still be automatic?
When one person apologizes so often – with sincere regret, remorse and guilt – and the other person hardly ever apologizes, guess which person forgives most often? Guess which person never recognized an imbalance and the ramifications of never hearing “I’m sorry”?
That imbalance, however, was the result of another one: when one person has a lot more to apologize for.
Better now, than never.
7 Qualities of a Conscious, Loving Relationship
I think in a linear fashion; that’s one reason why lists and instructions appeal to me so much. I bet that’s the same for a lot of people – hence, the popularity of “listicles” at the interwebs.
When I find and read things like this I try not to fall into the trap of thinking what was missing in previous relationships, even if, while reading, those things jump right off the page. I try not to think about what could have been had I known, etc. Rather, better to stay in the present, putting knowledge to use now, moving forward.
Nothing here is new to me; I read a lot of self-help stuff and each of these qualities I’ve seen in various books and websites. I’ve never seen it all in a list, as part of a bigger message/theme – it makes a difference for me in digesting and learning these sorts of things and having something to go back to (side note: repetition is important).
While I mentioned above that I try not to look at these and lament the past, I do think about why these qualities were very often missing, and what happened. More importantly though, I think about why they aren’t now, and what to do to make sure each of these qualities stay.
7 Qualities of a Conscious, Loving Relationship, comes via a great website worth checking out, Marc and Angel Hack Life.