IT’S BEEN A VERY TIRING YEAR, emotionally, thanks to a couple of relationships, as well due to the seemingly endless merry-go-round that is online dating.
Somehow, though, the last four months or so, something has changed for me. I went from not being able to be alone to…maybe not preferring it, but accepting it. And, expecting it. And, enjoying it.
I went from feeling too much to not feeling anything anymore, and I’m getting used to it. I’ve found its better to be immune to everything and just let things be, and go. I no longer feel much beyond sanguine about finding someone and, finally, don’t feel much more than that about different people in the past who no longer have any interest in me. What’s the point in feeling anything, especially feeling remorse or sadness, about the past or people in the past anymore? Those people not feeling the same as I do should have been motivation for me not to, but I had to take a slower, different path to where I am today. It all feels o.k., but is it o.k.?