WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP by 9:00 p.m. on a Thursday night, sleep heavily and can’t get up to go to the gym in the morning, and you’re already looking forward to going to sleep early on a Friday night, what is that? Malaise?
Tuesday night a neighbor and friend a few houses down from me died. He was only 43. I came home to see police cars and the coroner’s van and found out the news.
ANY funk I’ve been in, the on and off sadness and missing an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-fiancee, sadness about my mom’s life and it’s end, this constant battle to stay present…it’s all been a complete waste of time. Allowing myself to be so often reminded of people, places and moments I miss. The hand-wringing about what I don’t have in my life, or what I might never have in my life, what I’ve missed…how much energy and time have I expended over that? Year’s worth.
My fifteen-year old son said to me recently, “Dad, you need to let go of things.”
My neighbor’s death puts everything into a laser-sharp perspective. It damn well should! Bad shit happens to everyone, everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. Do you let it control you or do you keep moving forward? My luck, so to speak, has been really good. So is my life. I have a LOT to be thankful for. It shouldn’t take a death to be reminded of that and two days – hell, two hours from now, maybe – something might bum me out. But if ever there’s real perspective and a huge reminder of how little time we have, its right in front of me, right now. I wasn’t going to go to the funeral tomorrow. Its not a question to having to go…I need to go.