…of the Emergency Get Your Shit Together System.
I’ve made this blog and the WSD podcast a politics-free zone because there’s more than enough funner things to get distracted by, and more than enough places to find political content.
However, what happened last night crushed me. No need to go into the how and why but I realized this is a test, both on the macro and micro-levels.
The macro: the election results means we’re about to undergo the biggest test – make that the biggest experiment – this country will ever undertake. No need or desire to explain why or make any predictions – it’s a politics-free zone here.
The micro: I’m so tired of negativity being the first place I go. That’s where I’ve been the last 12 hours, just so negative, and I hate it. That’s where I’ve been most of my life, worrying about what might be. I hate the negativity that I let consume me, so often. It’s cost me a lot, probably more than I know – maybe that’s why I don’t have a lot of friends (why be around a self-deprecating, arrogant and negative wise-ass?) – and its a BIG part of my biggest relationship failures, especially the last one.
The micro, part 2: I didn’t need last night to make me realize everything in the preceding paragraph – I’ve been doing a real good job of that on my own the last several months. Rather, the election results and how it all made me feel is a good reminder that the macro stuff I can’t control and it’s a waste of energy. Basically, it sucks to feel like shit about it all. Am I concerned? Yes. Do I want the negativity, the worries, the fears of what I can’t control consume me? Fuck no. In my little world, what I can control, there’s more positives than negatives, I’ve got a lot more good in my life than I’ve ever had and I’ve survived far worse. A LOT worse, shit I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
This is all a test. I can die tomorrow – or twenty years from now – so what’s the point wasting brain cells on all the dark shit? I’ve got a fantastic 14-year old son, an amazing girlfriend, a great job, a little money in the bank, I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in and in great health…it’s a good list. All the bullshit and negativity – its all self-created, it’s all how I handle and deal with it. Expectations that life should be different, wondering if the grass is greener, worrying about tomorrow – whether its the make up of the supreme court or a credit card bill – all just takes away from the present, the here and now, all the things I do have to look forward to – which is a lot. All I can control is my little world and what I bring into it.